do you have a social media presence?

‘Noooo’

When we were little many of us had imaginary friends, but we grew out of it aged about five. So that’s Facebook out of the picture.

Similarly, why anybody would be remotely interested in 140 characters of virtue-signalling is a mystery. Adios Twitter.

Similarly we’re not going to get much genuine psychological comfort – or indeed any worthwhile business – from the sort of people who feel it constructive to attach heart and unicorn emojis to photographs. Au revoir, Instagram!

Finally, none of our plants have opposing thumbs. It’s really hard for them to use a keyboard.

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